Recognized

This was written 3 days ago: 

I don't usually write blogs on a trip that both my father and I go on. Honestly, I just feel inadequate in my writing skills compared to him. I have felt a need to write though, and it seems to be overtaking my silly fears. Traveling yesterday couldn't have gone smoother as far as airports and international travels go. It has to be in my top 5 for easiest trips into country which is something I am extremely grateful for. For reasons that make no sense, I have been struggling getting ready for this trip. And easy travel only gave my brain more time to lead me down twisted pathways and shadowed trails in my thoughts. I referred to some of these things in my previous blog. It is difficult to put into words the things running through my head. Basically, I spent 22 travel hours stressing about arriving to my destination. Mostly stressing about my place on this trip, my place with this team, my place with these people whom I love so dearly. A lot has changed in the past year for me, and I feel different. Not in a bad way necessarily, just different. And within that, I feel like I may not be what everyone needs or wants. And that scares me. Why? Because what we want most in life as human beings is to be loved. To be recognized and applauded for being uniquely us while simultaneously being accepted into a group. Whether that group is a random team of people headed to a foreign country, a group of friends, a church, an orphanage of children, or even your own family; that has been a longing of my heart for a long time. I've gotten pretty good at fitting into molds shaped by other people. Lately, however, that is something I've been trying to avoid doing. Because I am wasting my time trying to fit into the molds people are making for me instead of the one God has placed before me. The one with my name on it. The one that my heart and dreams and hopes fit into. I think that this specific thing is often what leaves one feeling lonely even when surrounded by people. How can you feel loved and understood when you're constantly trying to be someone else? Of course, you have to take the steps towards being okay to be exactly what God has made you to be. And there in lies my problem. After 3 planes, 4 airports, one very long and dusty bus ride, very little sleep and many other adventures along the way, our very large school bus pulled up to a little house, shrouded in darkness. Emma and I hopped off the bus, avoiding the sewer that runs in front of the orphanage. There was no sound as we swung the large, metal gate open and made our way across the courtyard. And then there was an eruption of giggles from inside the door to the house and I was rushed to by 11 of the most amazing kids I have ever known. Hugs, kisses, kids calling my name telling me how much they love me, how happy they are to see me, how badly they have missed me. That was all it took for me. Their love is so pure and innocent. It exudes from their very beings and shines through their bright, little eyes. How can I not know that the love and adoration they feel for me is real? I don't see these things in myself, but they most certainly do. And unbeknownst to them, they wiped out any fear I may have had to be on this trip in less than a minute. For a moment, I understood and felt very clearly what they see in me. And I realized, all the things we often hate about ourselves, are the very things that people 

love most about us. This doesn't mean we should ever quit trying to better ourselves. But maybe we should quit trying to be something God didn't create us to be. Haiti has a way of stripping away the barriers we put up, the facades we put on, the many costumes we don. It may feel uncomfortable at first but it is something I am looking forward to this week. God has a plan for each person who is here this week, a specific reason we are here and serving as best we can. I am up for the challenge that He has placed before me. I am grateful to have been called. Go forth into the next 9 days, I will. Thank you to all of those back home for your prayers and support. Much love to all from my little balcony that happens to be my home away from home!

Krystle