Frozen

I am currently on a plane part way between Miami and Chicago. Our trip is quickly coming to a close. We finished out our last full day in Haiti well last night although I must admit that it turned out differently than I had planned. We all crawled out of our bug tents, got ready for the day, ate breakfast, cleaned up the mission house and got to the orphanage by 9:30. The kids had made sure to inform me that they wanted us to come early in the morning so we could have lots of time together. Everyone had known that it was birthday party day. It is something we've been doing for at least a couple of years now. Our best laid intentions of spending the day playing were vetoed by said party though. The whole place, children included were happily running around cleaning and cooking. You could feel the buzz of excitement vibrating throughout the entire household. Instead of the nice and calm day we had been expecting, we all quickly got sucked into the vortex of preparations for home, preparations for the party, unexpected and last minute tasks and all while trying to handle the idea of leaving. Dad, Lee and Pat spent a great deal of the day working hard to get the trailer off of the docks. Deloris and Mom were busy and hard at work organizing the storage room, taking inventory, passing out the rest of the goods we had brought in the suitcases, as well as tons of other things most people are unaware have to be done on these trips. Abigail and Kelly were rocking it out helping to cook all the food with the Haitian ladies for the party. Emma, Caeli and myself spent hours in a deathly hot kitchen, pouring over 12 giant banners with each of the kids names on them. Our extremely talented Caeli had drawn their names in beautiful lettering for the children to decorate and hang on the walls for their birthday party. It backfired a bit on us this year because they ended up begging us to decorate them because they wanted them to be perfect. So we stood, bent over a table with crayons and paints, drawing everything from flowers and frogs to planets and soccer balls all over these banners. Partway through the afternoon, I could feel tensions getting high. The pressure of getting everything done, spending time with the kids, getting the trailer, not having a translator around and creating a magical party for the children was getting to many if not all of us in different ways. However, everyone pulled together the frayed ends of our emotions and plowed through. Dad and Rob got the trailers off the docks and the house became an even bigger bustle of activity as many hands started bringing every kind of good imaginable and filling nooks and crannies all over the house. The ladies worked themselves to the bone to get all these important but extremely monotonous and tiring jobs finished up. Every table surface in the house was soon filled with bowls and platters of rice, beans, chicken, goat, noodles, plantains and many other things that Abigail and Kelly helped bring to fruition. The living room and kitchen were transformed into a Frozen winter wonderland/ Avengers superhero dream land  with everyone's beautiful names acting as a rainbow wallpaper affect in the background. It all fell into place. Our party started much later than planned but the smiles on these kids faces was worth every drop of sweat and every frustration felt throughout the day as they sat listening to Dad tell them why we do these birthday parties. Because we are celebrating the day God placed them on this earth and into our lives. To celebrate how special they are, how important they are and how loved they are. Let me tell you, if you've never been in a room full of children that everyone else has written off as hopeless causes, children who have suffered more in their short lives than most, children with all the odds stacked against them, and tell them the exact opposite of those things... it is an indescribable kind of joy and heartache. We sang, they blew out the candles on their cake, opened their gifts (dolls for the girls and remote control cars for the boys), we ate dinner, passed out Coca Cola bottles for everyone, took pictures with photo booth props, played pin the tail on the donkey, played an intensely wonderful game of 'balloon keep away' with 30 balloons filling the small room and ate cake. It was truly wonderful. Rob and dad had more work to do with the trailer after that even though it was getting late. Us girls all voted to stay at the orphanage even though we didn't know when they would finish and be back to take us to the mission house. I am really grateful that we did that. Those last few hours with the kids were precious. I spent most of it sitting on the floor of the kitchen playing clapping games and talking with the kids. I am not even close to fluent in the language but the kids and I have figured out a simplistic but effective way of communicating back and forth about most things that kids want to talk about. Last nights topic of conversation was all about not wanting us to go. Dina and Otelson gave me a whole list of people they would like for me to bring next time I come. They begged for us to stay another month, another week and finally just one more day. I tried to play along, tease back and smile all while holding my overwhelming emotions at bay. Vladimir fell asleep on my lap and our oldest girl, Liline, who is trying so hard to act and feel grown at the difficult age of 14, leaned curled against me crying for over an hour. I don't even begin to know how to explain this to anyone. I love these kids as much as I can imagine loving my own children someday. They are literally pleading with me not to leave them. Begging me. What do you say to them? I still haven't figured that out. Not sure I ever will. I don't know what God's plan is yet but I was reminded strongly last evening that He is not done with me in Haiti. I don't know why He has called me to this or allowed me to be here but as I went to kiss 13 year old Dina who was sitting on the stairs, goodbye, she wrapped her arm around me, pulling me close and whispered in my ear 'Krystle, please. Everyone else can go home to Michigan but please don't leave. Stay here with me.'. Ugh. I choked back my own sobs and kept them buried deep in my heart as each of them in turn clung to me. No words. We didn't leave until close to 1am. We got back to the mission house to pack, shower and be ready to leave at 4am. The most sleep any of us got before being up again was about 30 minutes. No one seemed to care in the longer scheme of things. Our travels thus far today have been smooth and without any unforeseen difficulties. Prayers for a successful and uneventful finish to home. Also, for a smooth transition to getting back home and jumping back into life. This is something I particularly struggle with. It is never easy for me to switch back and forth. My heart longs and aches for both and it always seems to be a losing battle. 

I don't write my posts to sound beautiful, to have perfect grammar, to have profound thoughts or anything else of the kind. They are written to be raw and straight from my heart and hopefully give the tiniest glimpse of what this journey looks and feels like for those who can't be there. I want to thank each of you for reading, supporting, encouraging and praying. You are a very important part to this ministry. Blessings to all from 30,000 feet and somewhere between both of my homes. 

Krystle